She came to my office asking for help, a nice looking young lady in
her thirties who was just out from a broken relationship she described as confusing,
she wanted to know what she had done wrong that drove this relationship out of
the cliff.
Let's have a short look on parts from our conversations during
various sessions:
* Me: describe to me how you feel now
She: Confused, worn out, shocked, bleak & hopeless
* Me: I knew this was because of your last relationship; tell me
more about it.
She: we started as friends, But he wanted more, so he tried to
highlight the common things between us & - as expected- I slipped in his
love; so he did admit it to me; then our love relationship started. He used to
tell me how he knows that God is blessing this & that he was sure that I'm
the perfect match.
For a couple of months he was so sweet with me, we had small
disagreements but he was very clever in handling them on the spot, with every
clash he assured that this is normal in any relationship & that he was glad
seeing me working it out with him
*
Me: what kind of clashes did you have?
She: At first he was not asking; rather ordering, for example:
"I'll finish late at work, don't sleep as I need you"; so when I
stayed late & he called me we had a clash as I was tired, angry &
didn't like the way he ordered me, but he understood & later he used to
tell me "please"
*
Me: Good
She: Yes, but he continued pressing by asking me to do what he wants by
using other ways, for example by telling me how he feels lonely & sad when
I'm away from him, how I should spend more time with him, to reply immediately
to his texting, even at work, how I should leave him run conversations his way &
not to interrupt at all, & how I should comply with his numerous demands in
order to prove that I really love him.
*
Me: & did you comply?
She: at the beginning there were things I refused to do as I didn't
want to, but then he started to accuse me that I want things to go my way &
that I need to be more romantic & to play along with him when he wants me
to; So out of my love to him I had to comply.
*
Me: what other sort of clashes did you both have?
She: He used to call me with names despite knowing that I don't like it
even if out of fun but he justifies himself that it was merely a joke, & in
one of our romantic moments, all of a sudden he became like a raging monster, insulting
& mocking & telling me that I need a therapy, & when I tried to
step back until he cools down; I found that he remained angry for days.
*
Me: Did you talk with him about it?
She: Yes, I told him how this makes me feel insecure & afraid from
him; so he became very nice to me, admitting that this is a point of weakness
in him, asking me to bear it as he's trying to change, this made me love him
even more & because I know we all have flaws; I forgave him & expressed
how I still love him.
*Me:
what brought this relationship to an end?
She: it was this time when I felt insecure & angry from him after
one of his insults, so when I walked away after sending him a messages
expressing my anger; he kept chasing me with messages asking me to come back to
talk & clear the misunderstanding & that he still loves me & needs
a chance to defend himself & that he was sick & in a very bad
condition.
I felt sorry for him & returned back despite all my fears &
insecurity, I thought maybe I was really too harsh on him & didn't give him
a chance to explain, I felt how much he still wants me.
*
Me: then what happened?
She: I thought that we've sorted everything out, but I felt that he was
withholding his emotions from me, & when I asked what's wrong; he replied
that he needs to be silent for a while. I respected his space; & he was away
& silent for almost a week. I got worried on him so I texted him, messages
were seen but no feedback, even when I shared that I was sick, other times I
was expressing my love for him; but silence was the only answer.
Then out of the blue I found him sending me a message that he is
ending this relationship forever, & when I asked him to talk he refused, I
started begging him & apologizing for anything that might have happened unintentionally,
asking him to tell me the reasons behind his decision as it's my right to know;
he replied that I was the one responsible for the failure of this relationship
& started bringing situations from the past but with twist in the facts in
order to show me how he is not mistaken & I should take all the blame,
& that I imagine things that never happened & get hurt from words he
never could have said, & that after he prayed asking God's will; God told
him that I was not the proper one for him!!!!
* Me: Honey, no wonder you feel confused, exhausted & insecure.
You are just out from an emotional abusive relationship!!
Dears, to be hit or punched is clearly a physical abuse, to be
harassed or raped can easily be classified as sexual abuse, these are very
explicit types of abuse; however one of the most covet & mean abuse is
"Emotional abuse".
-------------------------------------------------
Are you in an abusive relationship? Please take the following quiz first before continue reading with us part (2) from this article.
http://www.beliefnet.com/section/quiz/index.asp?sectionID=203&surveyID=441
- If
you want to know what "Emotional abuse" is & how to know if
you're being abused or an abuser; please click on the following link:
By: Jackie.Y.G
No comments:
Post a Comment