- Resilience is simply: bouncing back, from any
disappointment, difficult y or even a
disaster, from the small annoyances in daily living –to- the greatest losses
that break our heart & spirit. – to- the full catastrophe that upheaval our
lives. So Whatever level of overwhelming or disruption we're experiencing to
our coping or to our thriving; resilience is the capacity hardwired into the
brain of response flexibility.. it's innate in every brain .. it's innate in
every human being, & no matter what loss we're reacting to (Job, relationship, hope ...etc) the response
flexibility allows us to shift gears & to learn new capacities of skillful
& effective coping to whatever has been thrown in our way, as: "How
you respond to the issue is the issue".
- Tools that will strengthen the capacity response flexibility in
the brain in ways that will allow you to approach any potential of previous
Trauma with compassion, Clarity & Courage:
First: Somatic Intelligence
- Breathing is what
regulates our automatic nervous system, "Breathing in":
is a slight stimulation & "Breathing out": is a
slight relaxation to the nervous system.
- Touch release the hormone of Oxytocin: which is the hormone
of safety & trust, & brings direct antidote to the stress hormone
"Cortisol", so you can place your hand on your heart or your face ,
you can give yourself a hug.
- Movement is what
wakes up the brain, activating it , making it feel more alive & helps it
create new pathways, so you can practice movement to see the difference between
being relaxed & being tensed. Exercise: is just to clinch your hand into a
tight fist .. then release it , & then notice the difference in how your
body feels. So you can notice the difference in your body when you're stressed
& how your body feels, we're holding the tension in our belly, in our heart,
in our throat & in our Jaw. Exercise: is to move your body into the
opposite posture .
- Visualization: maybe
of an imaginary friend who creates that sense of safety & trust, either
someone you know, or a made up by your imagination. & imagining meeting
this person, how you salute him, & then bringing what is bothering you to
him & how he's listening carefully & with compassion.
Second : Emotional Intelligence
- Negativity bias: We
pay attention to –ve experiences more than we pay attention to the +ve ones to
survive & to protect you from physical & emotional danger, as we
protect ourselves first then we process later, so you're more likely to pay
attention to negative experiences & negative emotions, irritations,
loneliness, fear, panic..etc. than the positive ones (satisfaction, awe, ..).
- Our brain
is a social brain & you'll never not have this negativity bias, so this is
why you'll pay more attention to the one –ve comment by your boss in the
meeting or your lover at the dinner table than the 19 +ve comments said to you
throughout the day.
- Pay attention: We can
get so caught in anger or shame or fear or loneliness, but all these emotions
have a purpose to wake us up, as fear will motivate us to move away from toxic
relationships, anger can motivate us to move against injustice, So when it
comes to emotional intelligence; so the key to manage our disturbance is to be
aware of them, accept them & bring compassion to ourselves by experiencing
them.
- Mindful self-compassion protocol:
to create a pause of awareness of what's happening , accepting this is what's
happening, then bring kindness & compassion to ourselves for having this
experience "we're having this experience & we're ok, we're human &
there's nothing wrong or bad about us for what's happening here". So we
use this tool to shift the functioning of our brain into more spaciousness..
more openness, the greater picture. The greatest outcome is not to feel better
but to do better In our being = Resilience.
- Self-compassion break:
telling yourself phrases like: " May I accept myself as it is in this
moment, may I accept what's happening at this moment, May I be kind to myself
at this moment.. at any moment"
Third : Relational
awareness within
- We have
this inner voices: "you're not lovable, not accepted", so we're all
vulnerable to believing the messages of these inner voices, one of the tools
that can be used here to encourage our own self-acceptance :
You practice
this positive thought over & over to create this positive experience first
till it becomes natural to you: "Even though ..... , I deeply &
completely love & accept myself" . you can practice it in all
different types of situations by telling this to yourself.
Fourth : Relational
intelligence with others
- Theory of mind: simply
means being aware that I'm I & you're you.
we're 2 different people & we're having different experiences so it
is not necessarily to experience same thought of emotion, & that's ok, so
we apply theory of mind to all skills of relational intelligence: negotiating
change with others, setting limits & boundaries, forgiveness, & the
triangle we play with others & we can get caught in by playing these 3
roles: Victim , rescuer & a persecutor.
- Circle of support: you
take a moment to identify 1 or 3 people whom when you think of them you have
this sense of safety, trust, connection & support. Then
you can imagine them around you in a circle, then you can imagine
walking with them into whatever situation that you have to deal with.
- Positivity Portfolio: by gathering a positive
appreciative comments people said about you & make a list & put it in
anywhere you see it a lot & read it 3 times a day for 30 days as this will
help you take in these information to re-wire your sense of self & what
your strength & quality are.
- Just like me: it helps us to get thru the barriers between
ourselves & other people. Seeing people faces & saying: "Just like
me: this person wants to be happy, Just like me this person wants to be free of
pain & stress, just like me: this person has felt sadness-loss & pain,
just like me: this person desires to love & be loved" , this can help
cross the distances between you & the other person & tap into the
common humanity, that all of us need to be able to cope with loss & trauma.
Fifth : Reflective intelligence
- In awareness of more complex patterns, maybe patterns of thoughts
like:
- Assumptions: we make assumptions based on past
experiences & we expect the future
to be the same way as well.
- Projections: we assume that what's true for us
is true for the other person as well
- Objectification: we see other people not as a
subject I & YOU, but as an IT & other people can see us as an IT
instead of a person.
- Mind reading: thinking we know what the other
people is thinking without checking with them., or assuming the other person
knows what we're thinking without bothering to tell them.
- Discounting the positive: not
registering positive attitudes in ourselves or others, de-valuing, dismissing
the positive in ourselves or others.
- Over generalizing: saying words like
"Always, Never, ..", assessing our experiences as global &
permanent,
- Taking things personally: we
attributing whatever is happening to me
- Catastrophizing: we think a sneeze means a
cold, means losing a job, means financial disaster. & we can do this in less than 3 seconds.
- Black & white thinking: we receive
things as ALL or NOTHING, there's no grey. It's rigid thinking & does not
allow any other possibilities.
- Inability to disconfirm: inability
to learn, assuming that new experiences cannot replace the old information or
old assumptions.
- So
Mindfulness helps us see those patterns clearly & how they operate us,
& how we can shift them.
- & we
can choose to substitute a +ve thought instead of a –ve one, & we can
choose to see the positive in the negative. .. which is an essential step in
healing Trauma .
- "I
could finish my practice, I get to do this or that".. this shift in our
talk makes the shift in our thoughts.. Opening the space to more options &
possibilities, but should means feeling criticized when failing to do the task.
The 5 facts
that can contribute to post-traumatic growth:
1- Acceptance of reality
2- Resourcing with people
That's why support group is very helpful as you don’t
have to explain or justify or defend anything
3- Recognizing the positive
4- Find in the silver lining
5- Coherent Narrative
- trauma
therapy these days cares about stabilizing the body & the brain before
doing anything, before talking about the experience, or the reaction to the
story, we work fist with the body with the breath, so trauma therapy is not about
reliving trauma .. is not talking about it until you experience it again..it is
coming to a different place in your own body until you can have a different
perspective on your emotions, thoughts, ..etc. this can take several month or
even a year until the person can open up & unpack whatever stories related
to the trauma.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There's a crack in everything
That's how the lights gets is
~ Leonard Cohen, Anthem ~
#Linda_Graham (Author of bouncing back)
#Healing_from_Loss
#Resilience
#Healing_Trauma_Summit
