ما هو الحب ؟ / ج3: الحب قرار أم مشاعر ؟






💗الحب (الحب الحقيقي قرار مش مشاعر )💗

1⃣ في الجزء الاول قلنا إن الحب الحقيقي بيسعى لخير وراحة وسعادة الاخر، وإنو لازم يكون فيه مجهود وبذل و ألم ..
2⃣ في الجزء الثاني قلنا انو لازم يكون فيه مجهود وألم لاني بشتغل على نفسي انا (مش على الأخر) .. أعالج من ضعفاتي ..بضبط نفسي .. فيزداد مع الوقت والتمرين فهمي وقبولي للاخر ..

⁉وقفنا عند سؤال: طيب لو أنا عملت كدا لكن في اوقات حسيت إني زهقت ورجعت افكر في نفسي وراحتها ، أعمل إيه?⁉

خلونا هنا نحط تعريف تاني للحب الحقيقي: 
💟الحب الحقيقي مش مجرد مشاعر، لكنه قرار ..

 وإفتكروا المعادلة دي :الأفكار بتولد 👈🏻 مشاعر ..والمشاعر بتولد 👈🏻 سلوك 

مثال
1- زوجة أول ما صحيت الصبح هجمت أفكار و ذكريات لمواقف قديمة مؤلمة من زوجها .. شوية لقت مشاعرها هاجت وسخنت ..شوية لقت انها مش طايقاه ..شوية مع اول احتكاك بينها وبين زوجها إنفجرت فيه ..😡🤕

🤔تخيل لو نفس الزوجة صحيت الصبح وهجمت عليها نفس الافكار ..لكنها وقفتها قبل ما تتحول لمشاعر وعملت حديث داخلي مع نفسها وقالت: لا ..بس هو بردو كان بيعمل حاجات كويسة ..او : انا بردو مليانة عيوب ..او اي حوار داخلي تطرد بيه الافكار المزعجة دي ..هنا رد فعلها هيكون مختلف مع زوجها ..هنا هي اخدت القرار إنها متمشيش ورا الأفكار الهجومية اللي شنت الحرب على دماغها

2- او تخليلوا أم طالع عينيها في تربية إبنها فقالت في يوم لنفسها : انا مش طايقاه خلاص ..انا زهقت من طلباته..‍🤦🏻‍♀ ينفع ? اصلها لو قالت كدا لنفسها وسمحت للمشاعر دي إنها تتكون .. مشاعرها هتسوقها إنها  تقول كدا للولد وبالتالي هتدمره نفسيا،
لكن الام السوية على الرغم من شعورها بالتعب وأحيانا بالإعياء،🤷🏻‍♀ لكنها بتاخد قرار إنها عشان بتحبه هتستحمل أي حاجة ..وتفكيرها وقرارها هما اللي بيحافظوا على مشاعر الحب تجاه طفلها وبيحميه من أي إساءه سواء بالكلام او التصرفات ...

وقفة مع نفسك 🤚🏻

- لو المشاعر هي اللي مسكت الدريكسيون في اي علاقة، تأكد إن العلاقة دي فاشلة هو هتفشل ..لأن المشاعر زي البندول ..شوية فوق وشوية تحت😍😡☹

- إفتكر إن سلوكك نتيجة مشاعرك  .ومشاعرك إتكونت نتيجة طريقة تفكيرك💭
- حتى لو تصرفات الطرف الاخر بتكون ف اوقات غير محتمله، إنت اللي ف إيدك ريموت كنترول مشاعرك ..مش هو او هي 

☑♥💖 خد قرار كل يوم إنك تحب ...سوق إنت ..بلاش تتساق .. ولو وقعت شوية في النص وحسيت إنك مش قادر ..إحترم ضعفك وإنسانيتك ..لكن قوم وكمل الشغل على نفسك ..وتأكد إنك هتشوف ثمار تعبك .. إن مكنش حتى مع الطرف الأخر في الوقت القريب، فعلى الاقل هتشوفه في علاقتك مع نفسك إنك قد ايه بقيت شخص مختلف لانك عملت الشغل اللي عليك ..ولما الطرف الاخر يشوف إختلافك وتغيرك ..دا ساعتها اللي هيكون ليه المفعول الاقوى في تغييره اكتر من نصايحك 

⁉ طيب لو الطرف الأخر بيجرحني بشكل ما او بيضايقني .. مش قراري اني افضل احبه فيه قرار بعدم حب لنفسي لانو بيؤذيني ⁉
دا موضوعنا في الجرء الرابع 

لقراءة كل الأجزاء:

#الحب #الحقيقي #قرار #مش #شوية #مشاعر

ما هو الحب؟ / ج2: مواصفات الحب الحقيقي






💗الحب (مواصفات الحب الحقيقي)💗


في الجزء الاول قلنا إن الحب الحقيقي بيسعى لخير وراحة وسعادة الاخر، وإنو لازم يكون فيه مجهود وبذل و ألم .. ليه لازم?? دا موضوعنا المرة دي 

الإنسان بطبيعته بيميل لاي حاجة تديله راحة أولذة أو إشباع، وبالتالي بيبعد عن اي حاجة ممكن تسببله ألم او إزعاج او ضد رغبته في اللذه والاستمتاع.. 😋

ففي علاقة الإنسان بالنبات مثلا، ممكن الواحد يشوف وردة حلوة فيقطفها لانه عايز يشمها ويحتفظ ويستمتع بيها. .. ودي مفيهاش مشكلة لان الطبيعة مخلوقة لمتعة وإستخدام الإنسان  🌺

لكن الموضوع مختلف تماما مع البشر، ففي العلاقات السليمة والسوية مينفعش إنك تدخل في علاقة مع شخص أخر لمجرد إنك عايز تنبسط أو تستمتع أو تسدد إحتياح ليك (حتى لو كان للحب!) بغض النظر عن الطرف الأخر .. لأنك لما بتعمل كدا فإنت بتحول الأخر من شخص إلى شئ إنت بتستخدمه .. 

حتى لو كان الطرف الاخر عايز يستخدمك نفس الإستخدام ..إنتم بكدا دخلتم في عملية مقايضة  .. حاجة تاخدها قصاد حاجة بتديها ... ودي علاقة منفعة مش علاقة حب 🤝🏻😕

مثال
الحب الحقيقي فيه مجهود لأنك عمال تضبط نفسك وتقولها: مش مهم راحتك دلوقتي يا نفسي .. مش مهم اللي بحبه أنا دلوقتي  

وفيه بذل لأنك بتقول لنفسك: لأ ، فتقرر إنك  تؤجل إستمتاعك عشان الطرف الأخر مش قادر او مش عايز دلوقتي ..او انك تعمل حاجة عكس إرادتك تماما

وفيه ألم لأنك مش ماشي على هواك ومذاجك ..وطبعا كل التداريب دي فيها ألم

وقفة مع نفسك🤚🏻

🏆- عايزة أطمنك إن مش كل الحكاية مجهود وبذل وألم، لإن اللذة الحقيقية اللي بتدي إستمتاع بأي حاجة في الحياة هي اللي بتيجي مع الألم او بعد الألم !! 

❤ -تأكد إنك لما بتقدم حب حقيقي إنت بكدا مستعد إنك تستقبل حب حقيقي ..ما إنت بردو ليك إحتياجات ولازم هتاخد ..لكن هتاخد حاجة صح ..مش مغشوشة

🎁- تذكر إن مع كل عطاء من القلب فيه أخذ يفرح القلب

⁉ طيب لو أما عملت كدا لكن في اوقات حسيت إني زهقت او مش عاوز ورجعت افكر في نفسي تاني، أعمل إيه⁉

ما هو الحب ؟ / ج1: الفرق بين الحب الحقيقي والمزيف

ما هو الحب ?
موضوع هحب أكتب عنه خواطري الفترة اللي جاية .. 
هيكون محتوى الموضوع دايما بيشمل:
1- تعريف المحبة الحقيقية
2- مثال عملي من حياتنا
3- وقفة مع نفسك: عبارات ختامية تحتاج قوة وامانة منك لتقبل تحدي تلك العبارات لوضعك الحالي

💗الحب (الفرق بين الحب الحقيقي والحب المزيف) 💗

مفيش حد فينا مش محتاج يحب ويتحب .. وسبب كل المشاكل والتعب اللي ف حياتنا هي لما بنمشي من غير بنزين او نحط بنزين مغشوش في الخزان بتاعنا .. يعني لما يكون خزان الحب بتاعنا فاضي أو مليان بحب مزيف. 

وهو فيه حب حقيقي وحب مزيف ?🤔

ايوه .. والحب المزيف هو مش حب على الإطلاق ..لكن للاسف أطلقوا عليه كلمة حب فشوهوا معنى الكلمة الحقيقي

طب ايه الفرق ما بينهم?

أول فكرة هشارك بيها النهاردة ..إن الحب الحقيقي بيحتاج مجهود كبير وبذل وتضحية .. أساسه ان الشخص اللي بيحب مش بيفكر في راحته وسعادته الشخصية ، لكن في راحة وسعادة وخير الشخص اللي بيحبه، ودا طبعا شئ مش سهل ..لكنه محتاج شغل وألم ومجهود كبير.

🗯مثال: ذقت طعم محبة الأم المحبة والباذلة لاولادها واللي بتعمل مجهود جبار وضخم عشان سعادة وخير اولادها?. لو تذوقتها تبقى ذقت طعم حب حقيقي. ولو لم تذقه (لان مش كل الامهات للاسف بتحب بشكل سليم )، يبقى حاول وإنت بتقيم علاقاتك إنك تفتكر أول معنى من معاني الحب الحقيقي اللي ذكرناه فوق ... 

وقفة مع نفسك🤚🏻

*لو بتقول لحد انك بتحبه وانت مش ناوي تتعب أوتضحي عشان محبوبك، تبقى مش بتحبه محبة حقيقية 
* لو حد بيقولك انه بيحبك وهو مش ناوي يتعب ويقدم اي تضحيات عشانك ..للاسف يبقى مش بيحبك محبة حقيقية

?? ليه الحب الحقيقي لازم يكون فيه مجهود وألم??

Hunger for Love series (Part 2: What Real Love is NOT?)

Reasons behind Fake Love

We ended up our first part from this series with this question:
But what if the child's needs were not met? What danger do we carry to our relationships when this hunger for Basic Love is not fulfilled? 


If the relationship with the mother (or the alternative caregiver) was harsh, contains threats, rejection, intimidation, or the mother did not exist or got separated from the child; then this basic need will always be in hunger.

The general reaction among all humans: is that when we grow up with an empty tank, we seek to fill it with anything in order to feel loved & accepted as we can't endure this emptiness in our hearts, as reflected by Henry Nouwen in his journals following the breakdown of a close relationship where he suddenly lost his self-esteem, his energy to live and work, his sense of being loved and even his hope in God: 


“There is a deep hole in your being, like an abyss. You will never succeed in filling that hole, because your needs are inexhaustible. You have to work around it so that gradually the abyss closes.” ~ Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love ~

Dr. Maurice Wagner elaborates what happens inside us when we walk with an empty love tank: 


Maurice Wagner "The Sensation of Being Somebody"



- The baby comes to the world with sense of uncertainty in himself & in being loved, accepted & all other basic love needs to be affirmed by the caregivers, & when it is not affirmed then his presumption of being unloved & unwelcomed to the world is confirmed, this false belief is internally integrated into his identity, fiercely compelled to EARN this love & attention in different compensative ways & troubled behaviors. These behaviors totally differ from who he really is (the true self that was never discovered), it only reflects his deepest hunger for love & for proving himself as "somebody" in a term Wagner called "self-verification".


The severity of these troubled behaviors relies on how deep his hunger is, the child then becomes self-centered, acting with a fake personality deviated from his real self, & the false self he'll be using (unconsciously) is the one which has successfully helped him win all the love & appreciation he needed from his parents & from others, even if it is fake love & not genuine.

⇒Remember this equation: Needs beget motives & motives beget behavior

These patterns of behavior are carried with the child until he's adult, to be acting typically the same way towards life & others, but maybe in other shapes or forms which suits the grownups.

- These behaviors could be one of 3 (sometimes swinging between them all but one will be predominant according to one's personality):

1. Compliance or placation (pleasing character, moving to people): it can take many forms, for example: when the person seems caring & loving very much to a suffocating extent, always seeking to help & give others, doing whatever they ask without being able to object or reject as he/she can't stand to be alone or exiled from the group, he/she will submit to the needs of others without thinking in their own needs, can be always weeping or complaining. All these manipulative ways reflects unhealthy & conditional love which seeks its own needs.


This person's motto: If I pleased them & tried to be always good; they'll love me.

2. Defiance or rebellion (aggressive character, moving against people): it is when the person takes his needs by power & force, not caring about others or their needs, he feels weaknesses & inferiority just as the 1st one, but he'll never reveal his needs or emotions to others, covering this hole inside of him with success, power & authority, always pursuing to be above others as a way to protect his wounded self from them.


This person's motto: If I'm powerful & special & successful; they'll love me.

3. Evasion or avoidance (withdrawing character, moving away from people): after failing to receive the love & care he needed; this person becomes so vulnerable that he/ she will try to build big walls between them & others, hiding in their comfort zone in order to feel safe & protect themselves from being hurt again, to them people = hurt & pain.


This person's motto: When there's no one in my life; then I'm safe.

All these sick patterns of behaviors & false identities lead us to perplexing relationships, we end up hurting others & ourselves as well.

Real love (as shown in the picture above) is the opposite to all the forms mentioned above, it does not provide loving emotions in an attempt to earn something in return, real love includes: sacrifice, understanding, accepting difference without feeling threatened, respect, encouragement, forgiveness & kindness, it is an aware decision taken each & every second to love the other person no matter what, it is owning oneself in order to be able to give it to the loved ones.


What is the hidden motive driving your relationships? Is it love? Or is it self-gratification?

What if you discovered that your tank is empty, is there a hope to fill it with true genuine love?

Follow me in part (3) from this series

*To read all parts from this series; please click here:
Part 1: Our Need for Basic Love
Part 3: Loved & Accepted

Hunger for Love series (Part 3: Loved & Accepted)


Countless men and women live through the anguish and despair of broken relationships, others may accept entering abusing relationships as "to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet".


“Aren't you, like me, hoping that some person, thing, or event will come along to give you that final feeling of inner well-being you desire? Don't you often hope: 'May this book, idea, course, trip, job, country or relationship fulfill my deepest desire.' But as long as you are waiting for that mysterious moment you will go on running helter-skelter, always anxious and restless, always lustful and angry, never fully satisfied. You know that this is the compulsiveness that keeps us going and busy, but at the same time makes us wonder whether we are getting anywhere in the long run. This is the way to spiritual exhaustion and burn-out. This is the way to spiritual death.”

~ Henri J.M. Nouwen, Life of the Beloved ~

Do you feel that you had enough? Enough throwing yourself in bogus bosoms.. Enough drinking from poisonous cups ... enough allowing others to tread with their feet on your broken heart.. Come now to see how you could be restored, collecting back your scattered pieces, drinking pure & genuine love that can quench your thirst & heal the pain arousing from feeling hunger & destitute.

Of course it is hard to believe that you can be loved for who you really are after hearing all these years that you’re not good enough, you're bad, you're ugly, you came by mistake as your parents didn't want more babies, all these lies were embedded & inculcated in every cell in your being that even if there's someone who could really love you, you may not be able to receive this love.

If you're that person..If you're thinking that you're deeply wounded with no hope for healing? Read the following words:
“12 For thus says the Lord: ‘Your affliction is incurable, Your wound is severe. 13 There is no one to plead your cause, That you may be bound up; You have no healing medicines. 14 All your lovers have forgotten you; They do not seek you....17 For I will restore health to you And heal you of your wounds,’ says the Lord, ‘Because they called you an outcast.." (Jeremiah 30)

The Real & Only Reason behind Our Hunger for Love

- You may wonder why do we need that much of love, basic love when we were kids, & continually need it when we're adults?


- The truth is that we were created & designed to live by love, Love is like the oxygen we humans breathe, our hearts cannot be satisfied by anything except in love, & we cannot get it from ourselves, we –as created creatures- need to receive it from an outside source. 


- Parents were supposed to convey this love to their kids; therefore there's no doubt that the loss of basic love mentioned in part 2 (click here ) is like an earthquake that fiercely causes cracks & brokenness within one's self & identity, but not only losing this basic love is the reason behind our hunger, but also because the fallen nature which we've inherited from Adam & Eve got separated from the real source of Love: God Himself, as God was the center of man; therefore he was satisfied, but ever since this separation; man became the center of himself; the reason behind all hunger & thirst. 

This need for "Basic love" in its essence is the need for God Himself... as God is Love.
You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”
~ Confessions of St. Augustine ~ 


The Cure for This Hunger 

- Imagine someone who, you really love & is dying asked your help, which love is greater: If you told that person: "I love you, but won't help you" –or- if you really went there to help?
And which love is greater: If that person was a good person & worth to be helped? Or if bad & did not worth it?

- God did not stand there watching us suffer & said from above "Oh.. I love you"!! ,No, He surprised us with an unfathomable & unexpected action taking our flesh & coming to earth –while also remaining God as he's immutable-in order to restore this broken relationship which is so dear to His hear, He came not to just to help us exist (being "somebody") but to be His dear sons & daughters.

- Coming to earth showed how much He loves each & every one of us. Why? Because:
He loved us despite all our iniquities 
He initiated coming to us when we could not reach him & didn’t ask for it
He came in humiliation, self-denial, and loving service for others (read: 2 Corinthians 8:9)
He reflected God's heart & thoughts towards us; that He is a God of Love & compassion; The invisible love became visible in Him. (read: Colossians 1:15)
“You are my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” (Mark 1: 11)"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life" ~ John 3:16 ~

God saw our deepest need for intimacy & He saw how people cannot meet this need for us; therefore His incarnation (taking flesh) was the greatest invitation for intimacy. All what He wants to reign over your heart to fill it with love, the love that will restore yourself all together again; the love that will bring your inner world into harmony so that you can be able to love yourself & others as well.


- Instead of being driven by needs & desires & hunger, you can be free from all these wrong motives, what you deeply need lies inside of you, stop searching outside & start searching inside, invite Him to dwell in your heart & be sure that He listens & will answer your request as He wants it more than you do.


Stop telling yourself the same words you used to hear from others (that you're not good enough, not loved, etc.) & start declaring the truth about yourself as revealed in the word of God, the truth is that, there's nothing you can do to make God love you more or less, you're deeply loved & accepted unconditionally, you're very special, you're not here by coincidence.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you", "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; 
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine" (Jeremiah 1 & Isaiah 43)

*To read all parts from this series; please click here:
Part 1: Our  Need for Basic Love 
Part 2: What real love is NOT 


- References:
http://christiangrowth.com/sensation/sensation.html
https://bible.org/article/why-god-became-man
https://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Incarnation

Hunger for Love series (Part 1: Our Need for Basic Love)


# How do we develop our sense of personal worth?
# Why do we need to be in loving relationships?  & why we end up hurting ourselves in our relationships?
# What real love is? Is it emotions or something else?


In our first part from this series we're going to understand more about ourselves as humans, why do we need love? Do we really feel loved deep inside? What are the main factors which have affected our self-image, our sense of being loved or not & our perception about life & the world around us?

Three renowned names will help us find answers to these questions: Eric Erikson, Ashley Montague and Maurice Wagner

Eric Erikson "The Psychosocial Development"

- In his theory, German psychologist "Erikson" considers the impact of external factors (like parents) on our personality development from infancy to adulthood. He explained that every person must pass through eight stages; each stage has its own specific needs, fulfilling the needs of each stage leads to successfully moving to the next level by overcoming each stage's crisis; thus building up a healthy personality that can face life & its threats & obstacles bravely & creatively, while failing to fulfilling these needs can result in a reduced ability in facing these crises; therefore leading to unhealthy personality and deformed sense of self ; which will lead to unhealthy relationships.

(To read more about the 8 stages; refer to this link: https://www.verywell.com/trust-versus-mistrust-2795741)


-  Our main need when we were infants was the need for "Basic love", meeting this need ascertains to the child his existence & makes him feel that he is "Somebody" (i.e.: he exists). It is met especially in the first 5 years of our childhood & it totally differs than our need for love as adults. It is the cornerstone of our personality & the backbone of our lifespan.

This basic love consists of 3 pivotal axes: 
(1) Sense of safety & security, which leads to 
(2) Sense of acceptance & belonging; which leads to:
(3) Sense of Value.

When this need is consistently met; the child will learn to trust his caregivers; hence this will develop the sense of existing as "somebody" who is:  safe, accepted & valued; thus affecting positively on his behavior in life & in relationships later on.


On the contrary; failing to meet this need consistently; the child will begin to mistrust the people around him, doubting in himself & his value, developing feelings of rejection, fear, insecurity & inferiority; carrying all these negative feelings further in his life & relationships.


Then, how this basic hunger for this need is met?

Ashley Montague "Touching, The Human Significance of the Skin":


Anthropologist Ashley Montagu mentions in his amazing book "Touching, The human Significance of the Skin" the main key in conveying parents' love to their kids; which is: touching. He says:


"Where touching begins, there love and humanity also begin – within the first minutes following birth." 
Of course each person has his own love language, but basic love is met by the availability & the proximity of physical contact from the parents (especially the mother) to the baby (starting from the first hours & days after birth). The sense of security, belonging & acceptance is met when a mom lovingly, warmly touches & cuddles her baby, this makes him feels that he is an important person to his parents & that he's worth to be loved & taken care of & the world outside is not awful.

But what if the child's needs were not met? What danger do we carry to our relationships when this hunger for Basic Love is not fulfilled? 

I'll cover this point on our second part from this series.

*To read all parts from this series; please click here:
Part (2): What Real Love is NOT?
Part 3: Loved & Accepted


- References: 
Erikson, Eric. Touching, The human Significance of the Skin
https://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html
https://www.learning-theories.com/eriksons-stages-of-development.html
https://www.verywell.com/trust-versus-mistrust-2795741
http://christiangrowth.com/sensation/sensation.html
https://ladyfancifull.wordpress.com/2013/06/24/ashley-montagu-touching-the-human-significance-of-the-skin/

Leaving your heart up high



When you desperately aspire that your dreams would one day become real …
When they lift you up high ...to the sky you can touch & feel

When they draw smiles on your face..feeling you’re only one step to grasp them by your faith you have deep inside.. Feeling so powerful that you care no more for any chaos happening outside

But when you discover that dreams were only illusions.. formed by your state of mind..formed by your desires..by your needs…they instead draw tears...

However they’ll teach you how to be stronger…not so weak & dreamy as in the former

You'll learn how to stay focused ...leaving everything behind ...Leaving your heart up high where you were…& in heaven you'll put all your attention & care…

& because you don't want it to be broken… you’ll keep it where it no longer could be stolen!

Leaving your heart up high !!!

@ Jackie Yg​

الإيمان : ثقة أم مشاعر ؟





الإيمان هو ثقة .. وليس مشاعر 
***************************
ثقة برحمة الله ... وسط قساوة البشر
ثقة بمحبة الله .. وسط كراهية البشر
ثقة بحكمة الله .. وسط جهل البشر 

ثقة بقدرة الله ... وسط عجز البشر
ثقة بسلطان الله... وسط مكايد البشر
ثقة بعدل الله ... وسط ظلم البشر
ثقة بغفران الله... وسط إدانة البشر


الله رحيم .. رؤوف .. متحنن .. غافر .. شفوق ... عظيم.. كلي القدرة والمحبة و السلطان والقوة والحكمة ... فالتأمل في صفات الله يملأ القلب سلاما وفرحا وهدوءا وسط كل التقلبات والعواصف التي لا تخلو منها الحياة على هذا الكوكب المسكين !!

Do Not !!


-Do not judge me on how I treat others; I’m just treating them as my sisters & brothers

-Do not judge me on my actions; for only God knows my intentions

-Do not tell me I wasn’t mistreated; for at a certain time you’ll find me retreated

-Do not rely on your feelings; for at many times they could be misleading

-Do not be shy to share your emotion; for with close people it declares your devotion

-Do not blindly trust your instinct; for it can make you forget how people are distinct

-Do not stop loving & giving; for it’s the way to turn earth into Heaven 

-Do not stop imagining & dreaming; for it’s your secret momentum into achieving

-Do not stop hoping & growing; for it’ll turn you darkest night into glowing

-Do not stop forgiving & forgetting; for it’s your bridge into future, unlocking the abundance 
that was once hidden

في أرض الغربة




في أرض الغربة.. الفرح مثل اﻷلم؛ 
كلاهما يذهبا ولا يدوما

في أرض الغربة.. الحياة ليست لها طعم في ذاتها... 
ليس الطعم في النجاح أوالزواج أو اﻹنجاز أو في العلاقات..
فكله يمضي ويختفي كالبخار .. 

ولكن الطعم الحقيقي هو ما يعطيه اﻹنسان للحياة.. بمعرفته لهدف حياته، وبعيشه وفق هذا الهدف اﻹلهي الذي يقود سفينة حياته ... 

 السفينة التي تجتاز غيمة الألام واﻷحزان والترك والتخلي في أوقات كثيرة..
 مثلما تجتاز الفرح واﻷلفة والصداقة والحب في أوقات أقل... 
ولكنها تستمر في اﻹبحار .. 

تتوق الوصول للمرفأ حيث تتوقف اﻷمواج والعواصف واﻹضطرابات.. 
 ويبقى شوقها للوصول هو أكبر دافع لها للإستمرار في اﻹبحار وسط كل المجازفات والتحديات.. 

ويبقى إنطلاقها هذا نحو الهدف هو العامل الوحيد الحقيقي الذي يعطي معنى للحياة .. معنى للألم .. معنى للموت...

لا يوجد وقت للتوقف.. 
 إفرد قلاعك وإبحر نحو المرفأ.. 
نحو وطنك.. نحو السما.. 
فقد تناهى الليل تناهى وتقارب النهار.. 
وعريسنا جاي يخدنا نستوطن الديار 



مجرد خواطر

@Jackie.Y.G

لطفاء أم أقوياء ؟ أم الإثنين ؟





كثيرا ما نظن أن رضا الله من رضا الناس علينا ، وأن الله سيكافئنا وسيرفع غضبه عنا عندما نكون لطفاء ونفعل الخير ولا نزعج الناس من حولنا ... فنجد أنفسنا نقع في فخ (إنجيل اللطافة / أو الدين المزيف)؛ والذي يتمحور حول فعل الخير واللطف والشعور بالتحسن والذي بدوره ينهكنا ويتركنا تعساء أمام تقلبات الناس وأمام الظروف الصعبة وكأن الله مازال غير راضي علينا فينبغي لنا أن نفعل احسن وأحسن حتى ننال رضاه وننال رضا الناس؛ولكن ما نفعله لن يحسن أي شئ من الظروف أو من رأي الناس عنا لأنهم العنصران اﻷكثر تقلبا في هذا العالم الساقط، كما أن الله لا يباركنا بسبب اداؤنا ولكن ﻷنه كريم وسخي في العطاء ومحب، فنجد أنفسنا قد وقعنا في دائرة مفرغة لا ينوبنا منها سوى الألم وتأنيب الضمير والشعور بالذنب.

بينما المسيحية الحقيقية تدور حول تحمل اﻷلم والتأديب والمخاطر، والشهادة والتضحية من أجل الحق ومن أجل اﻷخرين.. والثقة بأن قيمتنا ليست في أنفسنا ولكن في الكنز الذي نملكه في دواخلنا .. فلا نأبه بإنتقادات الناس لنا أو برفضهم ﻷنهم فقط ينظرون الغلاف الخارجي من الكتاب .. ولا تسحقنا التجارب والضيقات ﻷنا سنكون مرفوعون فوقها عندما نؤمن أنه لتأديبنا وتشكيلنا ...

في إعتقادي .. وما تعلمته مؤخرا وما أحاول أن أكونه: أن الله لا يريدنا فقط أن نكون لطفاء .. بل أقوياء وسبب تحدي لمن حولنا .
فالشهادة للحق ستتطلب قوة وشراسة قد ينتقدها من هم غارقين في الكذب .. ورفض الخطية سيتطلب قوة وجرأة يستنكرها من هم غارقين في وحلها.

ولا أقصد أن لا نكون لطفاء مثلما كان المسيح .. ولكن أقصد أن اللطف في غير محله أو لكسب رضا اﻷخرين ليس بفضيلة وإنما لطف مزيف سببه الحقيقي خوف وعدم ثقة بالذات!!


So Stop being a nice girl & start being a Strong Woman ;)

@Jackie.Y.G

Broken -&- Restored (Part 1: Broken)




Are you going thru difficult times these days? Do you keep asking yourself how things suddenly turned upside down although everything was going just fine? Are you tired from trying to restore a broken relationship with someone you really love? Do you feel lonely & lost?

We keep asking: what have I done wrong? Why he/she has left me after all what I've done? Why after getting into so many relationships I'm still not satisfied, only getting lonelier? Why dad has left mom? Why I don't feel deeply loved & understood? Why … why … why? 
 
Well my friend, let me tell you that pain & grief are part from living in this fallen world, so don’t feel awkward because you're passing thru these bad or negative feelings. Our life is full of brokenness, broken relationships, broken promises, broken expectations, broken families, all this because we, ourselves, are broken & cracked from inside !!

We keep putting all our efforts in a relationship, but it ends up with a separation..
We keep striving for success, but it ends up with more worries for more & more..
We keep traveling & going out with our friends, but it ends up with this feeling of lacking something

There's a deep hole inside each & every one of us  … this hole is causing us so much pain that we try to fill it with anything that we encounter  … we keep digging many wells searching for water that would quench our thirst .. We keep looking for this type of relationship that would bring back our broken pieces into wholeness back again …

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares? ~ Quote by: Henri Nowuen ~

We keep searching for such type of friends, but once we think we’ve found them; shortly we get disappointed & injured once again.

It is like a vicious circle, those whom are deeply injured, yet not healed, are those who hurt others & causes them pain. You & I are included in those "others". As long as we're still hurt, shattered & deeply absorbed by our wounds; we'll continue hurting others, & what you shall give is what you shall receive. 

Maybe you're asking now:
 "So that's it? I should give up then & never expect for things to get better"? I should never expect such cool friend or such warm relationship?


On the contrary, our pain of feeling broken, lost, isolated, hungry for love & understanding are all like symptoms to our real disease, which is the need to be restored from inside. People are tempted to do 2 things with their pain: either getting drowned & stuck to their pain all the days of their lives, or distracting themselves to escape the pain by doing many things: like achievements, relationships, etc., thus escaping from their real & only opportunity to heal the pain, not acknowledging that these symptoms refer to our deepest need for something bigger & broader than all what we're doing to fill this deep hole within ... to restore back the broken pieces ... to return back the beauty of the picture that once got stained ….


"Nobody escapes being wounded. We are all wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. The main question is not, 'How can we hide our wounds?' so we don't have to be embarrassed, but 'How can we put our wounds in the service of others?' When our wounds cease to be a source of shame, and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.  ~ The wounded healer / Henri Nouwen ~


"So, the question is: How then to be healed? How to be restored? & who can help me during this process?
&

To read Part (2): Restored; please click here

@ Jackie.Y.G.






Broken -&- Restored (Part 2: Restored)

Broken & separated,  2 main results which are deeply ingrained in our fallen nature as an inevitable consequence to the sin of Adam & Eve when they've decided to disobey God. Adam chose to trust his wife more than trusting God's word; thinking that what God didn't really mean what He said to him & his wife; therefore once Adam chose to eat from the forbidden fruit; separation & death permeated the human nature instantaneously.

*God is the source of peace; therefore separation caused anxiety.
* God is the source of identity; where thru Him we can understand ourselves; therefore separation caused inner conflict & disturbance.
* God is the source of light; therefore separation caused darkness.
* God is the source of satisfaction; therefore separation caused drought & hunger
* God is the source of Love; therefore separation caused hatred.
* God is the source of life; therefore separation caused death.

Some people may think: "but that was their faults, what that has to do with me? Why should I bear this painful inheritance in my nature?"

Well, the bible says:
"12 When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam's sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned... 17 For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many…… 18 Yes, Adam's one sin brings condemnation for everyone" (Roman 5 / NLT)
"Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me" (Psalm 51: 5/ NKJV)



Death as the result of sin went into the human nature & got spread like cancer, & as we're all are formed from the same nature of Adam; therefore we're all got infected with "sin", we all inherit this sinful nature from our ancestors; therefore we're all born with a corrupted nature which has the will & tendency to sin, we're all born sinners & love to do sin!! Man has lost his own free will to choose what is good & right, all have become self-centered instead of God-centered:

"11 There is no one who understands; no one who seeks God. 12 All have turned away; they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one? (Romans 3: 12)
"15 I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate….. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. 18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can't. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don't. I don't want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway." (Romans 7 / NLT)

See, We've inherited this fallen & corrupted nature; thru which we've has lost our relationship with: God, ourselves, & with others!! We're no longer able to love God, others, nor ourselves because we're continuously carrying this burden of guilt & this feel of unworthy.
"Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord" (Romans 7: 24-25 / NLT)

God did not stand still when He saw us groaning from the bondage of death & separation; instead He sent His only begotten son "Jesus" to our world, taking flesh like ours; yet without sin; in order to heal our brokenness & corruption.

·         Only Thru Jesus Christ: you & I could be restored once again by receiving a new nature which loves sin no more & longs for what is good & righteous thru baptism:
"17  For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many. But even greater is God's wonderful grace and his gift of righteousness, for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ. 18 Yes, Adam's one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ's one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and new life for everyone. 19 Because one person disobeyed God, many became sinners. But because one other person obeyed God, many will be made righteous" (Romans 5 / NLY)

·         Only Thru Jesus Christ: you & I could be reconciled with God, with ourselves & with our brothers & sisters in humanity, bringing us to the presence of God as holy & blameless:
"20 And through him God reconciled everything to himself. He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth by means of Christ's blood on the cross. 21 This includes you who were once far away from God. You were his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions. 22 Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault". (Colossians 1/ NLT)

·         Only Thru Jesus Christ: you & I became the children of God by adoption, you & I regaining our free will to conquer sin & refuse to obey our old sinful nature, & if we sin due to our weakness; our sins are forgiven by repentance:
"24 “He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” (1 Peter 2)
"I am writing to you who are God's children because your sins have been forgiven through Jesus" (1 John 2: 12 / NLT)

·         Only Thru Jesus Christ: our thirst could be quenched & our hunger could be filled:
"And Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst" (John 6: 35 / NKJV)


And many other privileges we've gained thru Jesus Christ; yet we continue doing as what Adam has did once:

·         We chose death over life by getting away from the word of God, choosing our own lust.
·         We try buying & gathering things in our own account to help us feel secured; however we end up void & in sever anguish when we find out that these things are like vapor in the wind,
·         We chose to put trust in people instead of putting trust in God, we keep running after the creatures by entering so many relationships in an attempt to fill our hunger & quench our thirst  instead of returning to the creator to fill  us.

We become oblivious so many times to the fact that our hearts were formed on the shape of God; that filling it with worldly things will cause no satisfaction, only more pain, no other shape could enter to fill this vacuum made in our hear.. it is as if you're trying to fit a circle inside a triangle .. there'll always  be spaces not filled within the triangle !!

And we go thru these vicious circles over & over because we tend to think that God is like people, our greatest struggle is in not believing in God's complete, unconditional & unwavering love, we think that cannot accept us as people have refused us many times !!


In his secret journal "Henri Nouwen" writes the following:
“I kept running around it in large or small circles, always looking for someone or something able to convince me of my Belovedness. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved". Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence.”

You have to trust the place that is solid, the place where you can say yes to God’s love even when you do not feel it. Right now you feel nothing except emptiness and the lack of strength to choose. But keep saying, “God loves me, and God’s love is enough.” You have to choose the solid place over and over again and return to it after every failure. (p 8)
“…. The world tells you many lies about who you are, and you simply have to be realistic enough to remind yourself of this. Every time you feel hurt, offended, or rejected, you have to dare to say to yourself: 'These feelings, strong as they may be, are not telling me the truth about myself. The truth, even though I cannot feel it right now, is that I am the chosen child of God, precious in God's eyes, called the Beloved from all eternity, and held safe in an everlasting belief.” 
~ Henri J.M. Nouwen, Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World ~

And when we believe our own belovedness, filled with this kind of divine love; only then we can pour out love to others, & only then we can open our hands to receive true love from others, only when we return to the centre, to our centre:


"Our true challenge is to return to the center, to the heart, and to find there the gentle voice that speaks to us and affirms us in a way no human voice ever could. The basis of all ministry is the experience of God's unlimited and unlimiting acceptance of us as beloved children, an acceptance so full, so total, and all-embracing, that it sets us free from our compulsion to be seen, praised, and admired and frees us for Christ, who leads on the road of service.
"This experience of God's acceptance frees us from our needy self and thus creates new space where we can pay selfless attention to others. This new freedom in Christ allows us to move in the world uninhibited by our compulsions and to act creatively even when we are laughed at and rejected, even when our words and actions lead us to death." ~Henri Nouwen, The Selfless Way of Christ ~
Jesus came to proclaim good news to the poor, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives, release from darkness for the prisoners, to comfort all who mourn, provide for those who grieve, to bestow on us a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, & a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

Will you chose to put your trust in someone who would never fail you, someone worthy of your trust? Will you chose Jesus to dwell in your heart to heal its brokenness, binding up your wounds?


The choice is only yours 

You can listen to this Hymn & sing it as a prayer:

Hear Me (Tears into Wine) - Jim Brickman: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zB0tvJSM0lo




@ Jackie.Y.G.