We all experience pain & agony, but what differs is: its type, length of time, & our reactions. Therefore the greatest demand nowadays is: Happiness, but what we see is that the more we pursuit it; the more it flees from us.
Then what to do in order to catch it & never let it go?
Let us admit that because we're living in an incomplete & fallen world; therefore we'll always have hard times along with good times, Pain & suffering are the inevitable twins you'll meet in this life, regardless of your age, gender, sex, beliefs; we all have been thru these times when we felt that this is "The End" & there's no exit, but also in parallel you'll find the non-twin sisters: Happiness & Joy accompanying you along the road. Therefore instead of pursuing happiness & searching for ways to escape from pain (a way proved its failure); let us try to find some other ways that will sustain us & help us not to break when we meet the inseparable twins.
First of all we need to differentiate between 2 things: Happiness & Joy.
Happiness is derived from "Happenings", which means it is a feeling that is triggered & felt based on our external circumstances: people, places, success, events.. etc; thus it is fluctuating & fleeting; therefore it cannot sustain you in harsh times.
Joy is a deep inner state derived from the knowledge & assurance of some core facts related to one's value, his being, facts about life & death; thus it s not just about smiling wide open while you're being hurt; but it is when one can experience being consistent, coherent, confident, in peace & calm contentment regardless what happens in the outside based on one's inexhaustible inner resources.
How to cultivate joy despite our circumstances? The following points will help you dig deeper in a sequential order -from layer to layer- within yourself, most importantly you need to know that finding joy despite pain is a life journey of which you've just started taking your first steps by reading this article … welcome aboard.
(1) False pain & sufferings:
Whether experiencing: failure, disappointments, loss of loved ones, traumas, abuse, accident, disease…etc; there's no doubt that some pain & suffering is unavoidable & happen in an unexpected way which stem from the actions of others or for reasons beyond our comprehension, but the truth also is that there're other types of pain that is caused by us, causing us false pain (false is not meant in feeling the pain, rather the reasons causing it are false, not real) !!
One of the ways to find joy is having an awareness of its thieves.
1- Great portion of our pain is due to our way of thinking:
Examples: Why do I feel that she doesn't like me? (I feel not loved), Why didn't he answer my call (I feel rejected), That guy reminds me of someone who hurt me! (I feel hurt), why she has everything I dream of (I feel unlucky & inferior), why does everything always not happen as I planned (I feel powerless & disappointed), I thought I made the right choice (I feel like a failure) … etc.
The words between brackets show our subconscious self-talk, it shows our wrong way of thinking due to many things including being exposed to bad treatment from parents & close people which caused to distort our self image & have a false self instead; that what brings the unsolicited pain.
2- Our desire to control, controlling the reactions of others, the results of our decisions, the timing, it is the false pain which stem from the sense of being powerless.
3- False pain is also caused due to comparing our lives & achievements with others.
4- We usually feel it's the end of the world when we make wrong choices, forgetting that with the freedom to choose; there's a possibility to be right or wrong, & with freedom comes the responsibility.
5- Another big type of false pain, relationships are important, but not as a source of joy, studies show that people who are weighing too much of their self-value & gratifications on relationships end up more lonely & depressed.
(2) Real types of pain & sufferings:
1- Living as a number, with no sense of self-value
2- Living a life with no purpose. Short or long term goals (like work, marriage, success) does not fill one's emptiness or quench the deepest need for living a purposeful & meaningful life… Our deepest need is to find a life worth living ..Full of meaning
The violin knows the purpose it was created for ... So do all other instruments... who tells the man his real purpose in life? 😏??
3- Times of boredom & monotonous life can cause us to lose hope in the future … it is the greatest suffer of all as it deteriorate the health of the mind & weakens the body.
Either it is false or real pain, we now need to know how your mind is the factor that determines the intensity of the situation you're facing
(3) Our mind & his great power:
How our mind functions during times of suffering can determine to a great extent the length & intensity of the painful time we're going thru, (I.e: Our reaction & power to endure depends enormously on our mind), let's zoom to see in brief how your mind acts when facing a sudden or traumatic stimuli:
Usually our first reaction is not going to be rational; rather emotional (fear, sadness, worry...etc), this is the role of a very tiny part back in your brain called "Amygdala"; it helps you detect threatening situations thru senses, then sending signals to your body to react (freeze or flee), in this very tiny part all the emotional experiences you've been thru are encoded & recorded, then when triggered later by similar situations they're decoded & turned into a prompt response; thus usually your response to current situations is more programmed & automatic based on past experiences; therefore it is irrational & very emotional.
How long this flow of emotional reactions is going to control you; this depends on the function of the part in your brain responsible for the rational thinking, & this relies greatly on the effort you put in other normal days to train & empower your mind to remain healthy & function properly in other harsh days, This includes: meditation, being aware of your emotions & self –talk, learning to direct your thoughts instead being controlled by it, unlearning false core beliefs & correcting them.
💭Your joy or your misery lies greatly in your mind
Learning from this part to eliminate the false causes of pain & to empowering our mind can help alleviate the intensity of pain we're facing in different life situations.
What about REAL difficult situations? Is pain a friend or an enemy? How to find Joy internally in order to help me overcome the external circumstances?
To find answers on these questions & to avoid abstract words, let us have a look on one of the most powerful real stories & how his trained mind helped him pass thru his hardships successfully, find meaning & purpose in his life.
@Jackie.Y.G
(These series are dedicated to: http://the2fish.com/en/false-real-pain/)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
(These series are dedicated to: http://the2fish.com/en/false-real-pain/)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
No comments:
Post a Comment